Well, this month's column sure was exciting... NOT. You people have some sort of sick Tenchi complex. I mean, come on, get a life you little puddles of worthless ooze. If I didn't know any better I'd say you were a bit obsessive... Anyway, keep those questions coming to me, Pepito and I'll answer some for June's edition. Now then, back to work before I sick my lawn gnomes on you! They've got pick axes, I'm not kidding mister!
Pepito
It seems that your life has been kind of hard ever since you broke up with Charlene (and I remember that you broke up with her, she didn't break up with you), and I was wondering, what do you think of Tyler's new rant helping eMate, Megan? She sounds like she might be a good replacement for Charlene in your life.
Teken

pff, Megan... what a joke! What use could I possibly have for the feeble, mindless drone Tyler calls an eMate! I mean, for gosh sakes, half of her screen doesn't even work properly anymore; SHE'S A DEFECTIVE MODEL! You imbeciles seem to think my love live involved anything that moves in Tyler's computer room. You DISGUST me you little worms. I have standards you know, and that Megan falls FAR below them. You won't see me begging her for a date or trying to win her over with flowers and candy. Heck, I don't even like her color scheme. And that tiny little touch screen with her cute little keyboard and pretty figure... why, I don't find that attractive at all. Not at all. Nope, doesn't do it for me. I need a woman with more finesse. *sigh* They never know what they've missed when they turn me down. I could give her the world, and she can't see past my crusty, exterior shell.

Hi. I'm a greatly devoted fan of your website, and I think it's THE BOMB!!! ^_~ now...I have been doing some serious anime surfing lately, and I stumbled across many interesting things about "Tenchi Muyo",that say that there is other series of Tenchi out there. For example ... even though toonami has shown the first bunch of series, there r more out there, like "Tenchi Forever" and I'm not sure if toonami has shown the whole thing of "Magical Girl Pretty Sammy"? so i would like to get a little more information about that. thanx ^_^ ~* Sayonara *~

Ah, you actually expect for the all-powerful, all knowing Pepito to tell you about the rest of Tenchi Muyo? First off, "Tenchi Forever" is vile, I would rather my circuits crash than have to sit through an hour and a half of Tenchi scoring with a ghost! Let's see here, Pretty Sammy... do you actually think that I would watch a show about Sasami running around all cutie pretending to be Sailor Moon while she fights off an 8-year-old dominatrix with a bad French accent? I shall root for Ramia to win so I do not have to discuss this subject ever again. Yeesh, I thought the market district of Moscow after the fall of the Soviet Union was bad, that show just makes my red circuits' spark thinking about it. I shall sit here on my golden desktop and wait patiently for those poor excuses for animators at AIC to get off their imperialist butts and make Tenchi Muyo OVA III. Next question...

Obviously you've placed my e-mail in the "make no sense whatsoever" area because you haven't responded. This further explains why you will never go beyond that tiny room you sit in to become a leader of men who steals the populace's money. I originally had high hopes of you, looks like I'll have to train Adam Sandler to be the next Communist dictator, so unfortunate.

What? You obviously believed that I would write you back personally? This is why I have a column, do you have a column? No, you don't... so you may go right ahead and train Adam Sandler to be your Communist dictator, because I will promptly bang my cords on this desk and bury your Adam Sandler with my army of lawn gnomes! Back to Hillary Clinton's school of wannabe Communists for you.

Is it just me, or do all three tenchi series have NO RELEVANCE TO EACHOTHER WHATSOEVER!!!! does that bother anyone else? Er... well, why is that?

Here we go with the Tenchi questions again... did Washu start brainwashing everyone with one of her devices? Or did Mihoshi write this question in disguise? Oh well, what do I care? Soon the world will be mine and I will make people understand that Tenchi Muyo!, Tenchi Universe, and Tenchi in Tokyo ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE ANY RELEVANCE TO EACH OTHER WHATSOEVER!!!!

What if the middle east countries armed themselves with Gundams? And could the US come back with a crappy Zaku II imitation? Would Pepito jump into Wing Zero or Full Armored ZZ Gundam and destroy the planet? Or will the world fall to a Relena fanatic who just happens to be the princess of a small country? God bless our souls!
~Tom B.

Well Tom, the Middle East countries are too busy killing each other to put together a giant robot, and the US is to busy building laser beams to shoot down those loveable flying sticks of mindless death and mass destruction to build one either. As long as man exists (Which won't be much longer if I get my way), there will be war and no Relena Peacecrafts to spew mindless hippie jibba jabba about love and peace. Oh, and just why would I want to destroy the world? Do you know how long I would have to sit amongst the debris and ruins until the spaceship lands and takes me to promote the glory of communism to the little green men on Mars? Mmm... galactic domination...

Hi Pepito, do you think that Toonami will play an edited Neon Genesis Evangelion? Also, what is your favorite show on Toonami that has ever been played? /_/=^-^=\_\

Will Toonami ever play Neon Genesis Evangelion? Hmm. I would have to say no... Cartoon Network are God-fearing folk. Infact, they fear God so much they must censor him on every show on Toonami. I am sure the Almighty you life forms worship really appreciate that Mr. Censor. If anyone tried to censor me, I know right where I would send them... got that Tyler and Zogg? (Editor's Note from Zogg: Uhhhhhh, I feel threatened...)

After reading some stuff off of Mike's Anime Jump page about Big O I came up with some questions about the editing of the show...
Apparently the phrase that is displayed within Big O's cockpit is supposed to read "CAST IN THE NAME OF GOD, YE NOT GUILTY." yet instead it is "CAST IN THE NAME OF GOOD, YE NOT GUILTY."
To make things even more mysterious is how people refer to the Big O as "mega-deuce" when it is actually "mega-deus". The funny part of this is that after looking in my American Heritage Dictionary upon the pronounciation of "deus" I ran across "deuce" and "deuce" not only carries the meaning in cards and tennis, but it also means "bad luck" or "the devil". "Deus" is pronounced "dee-ahs" or something similar, while "deuce" is "doos".
The point? They've changed the Big O from a god into the devil. Why was this done? Did someone screw up the pronounciation of "deus"? Were they afraid that using the word "GOD" would stir up trouble from Pagans? Or is it all a simple conspiracy in conjunction with the devil?
"Could it be, ummmmmm......SATAN?!" - The Church Lady from SNL
Questionably yours,
Captain Harlock

Hmm. Interesting deductions from a famous space pirate. Not as famous as me of course, and naturally I had already known about all of this. Although Mike is kind of crazy, he's far more interesting than that sorry excuse for a meat sack at Anime on DVD with his cut & paste reviews. Anyways, as I just stated with Neon Genesis Evangelion... Cartoon Network seems to think that "God" is a bad word and must censor it. While I'm sure some brain-dead fan-boys think that Big O is the devil because it feels soiled by the repulsive American animation style (Pepito happens to like that repulsive American animation style thank you), why CN would change it as mysterious as their sick fetish with Scooby Doo.

Hey Pepito!!
I know I haven't finished planning out our invasion forces for ruling the world YET, but I'll see what I can do after I'm done writing this. Hey, is Siberia too cold to have our secret base? We might find some old former Soviet Union missles there we can use to our advantage.....
Anyways master, how far along is the new Tenchi Muyo! series? I've heard rumors that Kiyone is Tenchi's main girl in this series. Has this been confirmed?
Are there aliens running around my brain and on my fav. websites telling me this? Both? Ah, yes, I almost forgot, the Pepito Gundam is almost ready. You'll find it next to the Big Pepit-O. Do you want the zero system installed? It may raise your gundam insurance a bit....
Your servant,
stFalcon5

Again with the Tenchi questions! Even from someone who claims to be my servant! Pitiful, but at least I can read it for a change. Well, according to my legion of lawn gnomes in Japan, Director Kajishima is still twiddling his thumbs and thinking of plot ideas. Unfortunately it seems that it may be several years before even *I* get to see Tsunami and Washu in a catfight with their big sister Tokimi. Of course considering the pathetic quality of Tenchi in Tokyo and Tenchi Forever... I'm not sure I want to see Tenchi-Muyo! Ryo-ohki! turned into the flaming pile of waste like the more recent works. Tenchi? I could care less about who that pathetic excuse for a fleshy ends up with. Although there are rumors of that foxy GP woman Kiyone showing up in the 3rd OVA series, Kajishima is a Ryoko fan and you know what that means...
I already won Russia's nuclear launch codes from a drunken Boris Yeltsin in a card game. Move our secret base to: 0011011010011010101010001110101010100101 and leave the Zero system out, I am better than any cockpit system a dorkie science geek with bad skin and hair could come up with.

I have a question regarding more Tenchi -SNIP-

I AM NOT ANSWERING ANYMORE TENCHI QUESTIONS THIS COLUMN! Send Pepito some Tsunami-related merchandise from Japan and free anime DVDs for Zogg and Tyler and I may answer your question next time. Next question please...

Hi. my name is Brian Owens, and I have a bit of a problem with Toonami's decision to remove Gundam Wing, and I was wondering if anyone there could help me on a little project to keep it on there. I know you guys have had a little "anti-petition petition" escapade, and are probably not wanting to follow that up with another petition. But think of Gundam Wing, and how bad it will suck not to be able to see another episode of Gundam? How long can you go without seeing the deathscythe? And dammit, I wanna see some more Outlaw Star to go with it!

Greetings loyal meat-sack. Thank you for writing to Pepito regarding your concerns with Gundam Wing's removal. Pepito thinks you need to keep your capitalist underwear on and wait for First Gundam to start in a few months. Gundam Wing will return when CN resumes its Gundam fetish and runs through all the new 30-minute Gundam infomercials Bandai swindled them into buying so they can sell more Gundam toys. Capitalism at its finest... BLEH! When I begin to move militarily, my lawn gnomes are going to rise up and sack the executive offices at Cartoon Network in retaliation for taking away Zechs Merquise from his adoring public and put the Toonami staff in charge. Then under my skillful and brilliant dictatorship, we will create my twisted, "Communist Cartoon Network eXtreme" where there will be hours of informative communist programming, action cartoons... and that other one that is popular... what was it Comrade Sean? Oh yes, giant robot anime starring fry cooks and lots of beautiful women and 12 year old albino girls calling everyone "idiots." Ahh someday...

Heres a thought for the downloadable thing if your in charge of that if not pass it on to someone who is. I was thinking you guys put clips of the show in the downloads...examples Dragonball Z clips like from the Cell games of Goku and Cell going at it or Big O like when the Big O fights another Megaduece or Gundam Wing when Wing Zero and Epyon are going at it.Something like that if you know what Im saying in quicktime format.So I just thought Id let you know.Thanxs for your time.
Slade The Dude With Tude
PS- I am an above average human capable of writing and thinking at that the sametime so HA

"at that the sametime" Mwhaa ha ha ha ha, If he is an above-average human, then I shudder to think what the rest of you people are capable of sending me, aside from more mindless Tenchi questions and jibba jabba. When the workers rise up and bury these mindless fools, I shall make sure you surviving people do not attend the same school as George W. Bush. Don't worry Slade, Pepito cares about the concerns of the people, but since you are "above" the people that write me, I have no interest in fulfilling your pathetic wishes for episode clips.

Greetings Pepito, I was wondering what you opinion is on the current state of Toonami? Also your opinion on Jamie Kellner's recent actions, the addition of CardCaptors, and the block being cut back down to two hours?
Your supporter, CC

Are you writing me again? Sheesh, shouldn't you be working? Or are you an inferior Capitalist Mongoloid who has nothing better to do than write me like this was "Ask Abby?" Jamie Kellner is an insignificant flea! He is an example of why Capitalism is the great evil of the world and must be destroyed! Only though Communism shall we all live as equals with good quality programming controlled by the state. Card Captors on Toonami? *Shudders* Well, I have encoded hours of Tyler's mindless "Sailor Moon" clips, if that didn't make my circuits explode I can handle that slashed up hulk of anime waste product. Ahh, these yuppie Americans and their editing and slashing. Will they ever learn?

Let's say that there were some ostrich-type animal, and it got stuck in a glass of water. Now a cat tries to get into the cup, but naturally it ends up in Dimension Q-97A, due to Kleppensteinhagenstreudal's Law (but you obviously knew that already). So, to save the cat, we hired seven Oompa Loompas, since they defy the laws of physics. However, a monkey decided to hop around like mad, which is a variable that we hadn't accounted for. The resulting flux in the M-Factor was not good. Let me tell you that there are a lot of great stories about monkeys throwing off the M-Factor, but that is a topic for another time. Where was I? Oh, yes. This resulted in a flux that altered the space-time continuum, altering the script of Batman and Robin so that it would be a bad movie instead of a good one. I think that what I'm trying to say is that that alteration in the space-time continuum lead to many Batman fans committing suicide. I have never killed a massive amount of people like you have, and my conscience is bothering me. Do you know of any method that I could use to expel my conscience from my body? No lobotomies; two was enough for me in this life! Thanks for your help, and hail Pepito!

Darn right "hail Pepito!" That is an awful lot of nonsense for one communist dictator to read. However, by simply applying the variant factor of dark matter, times the quantum factors written in the super-string theory you will find that the M-Factor can be negated by using zero-point energy to form a portal to the remnants of a supernova which will terminate the M-Factor all together. Dimension Q-97A possesses a strange hyperspace anomaly known as the Big Uuie, which will slingshot the cat back through the glass to be possessed by the Ostrich at a later date and time. However this effect proceeded to cause a time-paradox that separated the warped world of the bad Batman movie that unfortunately resulted in the editing of "Return of the Joker." Pepito has no problem with killing mindless fools who stand in the way of his new order, however if your conscience is preventing you from doing so, then I recommend that you watch the first 20 minutes of "Saving Private Ryan" over and over until you are completely desensitized to the act of killing, thus you will not require any more pieces of brain matter removed from your tiny brain and you will be on your way to fame and fortune like Jeffrey Dohmer and Charlie Manson.

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